I need help!!!!! Please!!!!? What can I add & what can I change?

Okay, I started writing this story after writing a piece before, and I really want to turn it into chapters.



For the past few months, getting sleep has been Kaya’s most difficult task. The moment she closed her eyes, blood red images of innocent people being slaughtered would pass through her mind, along with their screams and a hair-raising laugh. Even after she woke up from the nightmare, those screams and that laugh never abandoned her. They were her constant companions as much as her own shadow on a sunny day.

Every night it was the same thing; She would follow a tall, handsome boy with short blonde hair and strikingly beautiful blue eyes. He was holding her hand, pulling her through a long, dimly lit hallway, every few seconds turning back to look at Kaya, and smile as if there were a wonderful surprise for her. She felt as though her heart were about to burst every single time she looked up to see the boy’s beaming face staring back at her. Avoiding his eyes, she looked down at her feet, only taking notice of the mint green tiled floor and the strange feeling that the floor itself was vibrating.

Suddenly, she didn’t just feel the floor vibrating; she actually saw the floor tremble. She looked back up into the blue eyes of the tall, handsome boy and watched them turn red. Shocked, she let go of his hand and tried running away, but he scooped her up in his arms and no matter how much she scratched, bit, kicked, or thrashed, he would not let her go. His arms were like an iron barred cage.

She didn’t have enough time to comprehend where it was he was taking her, before she noticed a black door with the silver numbers 301 on the front of it. The boy opened the door, and the only light the came into the room was the outline of the doorway from the hallway. Kaya felt the boy’s lips near her ear, and then heard him whisper, “Your mine, now.” Kaya began to cry, gasping for air that never entered her lungs, as he gave an evil chuckle and a quick kiss on her cheek.

He flipped on the light switch, revealing a horrifying sight. The room was filled with various torture devices. Along the west wall, were a collection of sharp objects, most of them seeming to be used for carving. All around the room were various torture devices that looked as though they came straight out of a horror movie about the Middle Ages. There were women chained against the east wall, naked and screaming for help or begging the boy not to hurt them. As she scanned the rest of the room, something caught her eye that made her heart stop. In the center of the room there was a huge silver chair with leather straps and leather looking facemask at the top of the chair, and in the chair was the mangled body of what she could only identify as a woman. Her face wasn’t even there. It looked as though the skin had been ripped to shreds from her face.



What should I add or change? And most of all, what should I do with the dream sequence so that it makes Kaya wake up?



Thanks to anyone who answers!I need help!!!!! Please!!!!? What can I add %26amp; what can I change?I don't know if I answered your question again or not. I agree with the first person. Add a little more detail. You know that most books start off with dreams? Just a little trivia.



Anyways. I love this so much. It's fluid. It's horrifically beautiful. The main character feels real and tangible.



To answer the Kaya waking up part, I though of an idea. Here goes.



Maybe the mangled and naked body in the chair slowly changes. Describe these novel characteristics that are suddenly arising. Then the main character finds these things familiar; the hair, the nose, the eyes. You know where I'm going with this. Kaya sees herself in a nightmare-like mirror in that chair. Maybe the Kaya in the chair whispers, %26quot;Run.%26quot; or something. Then real Kaya wakes up. This is hitting two birds with one stone. You're describing what Kaya looks like and adding some more forshadowing with a creepy wierd ending.



You're not obligated to use it. Or use it. Whatever. I'm so excited for you! Keep writing and email me if I helped at all.I need help!!!!! Please!!!!? What can I add %26amp; what can I change?Okay, I think it's good right now. Mabe you could add in some more details that would help the reader see the images you are trying to show them. That wouldn't be a have to thing but it's something to consider. About the chapters...I think that you should get to the point of her getting ready to wake up, then start the next chapter with her waking up and relizing that it was a dream. Of course, I don't know what happens. If you plan to just let her wake up and go about everyday things that don't ever change into what she has dreamed or if you had planned to let her live out the dream at some point. I don't think that you should put any chapters in the part the you have here. I think that it wouldnt flow right and that it would make it inconsistent.



Hope it helps!!I need help!!!!! Please!!!!? What can I add %26amp; what can I change?It's a good start and I like it. However, it does need to be developed a little bit more. Some more unexpected twists, conflict or sub-plots would do nicely.



A plot formula can get the old juices flowing! It gives you questions to think about and a general outline of where the story is going.



If you would like more information on plot development check out:



How to write a story in 10 easy steps!

This plot formula can be adapted to most any genre.



http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea…



For a more involved or longer work try:



How to write a mystery novel in 30 easy steps!

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea…



Good luck with your endeavors!



Please read and rate my book. I am always looking for feedback.

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