I think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?

Please, before I even start this, no rude answers. I want some honest thoughts. I already feel like a monster.



My step-daughter is 6. She's not a bad child. She has her moments like any child, but I'm just having a really hard time dealing with her. Her mother is virtually out of the picture and hasn't seen her since January (and even then it was only for half an hour before she ditched her to go hang out with friends). I love her and would never physically hurt her, but I'm out of patience.



She's super clingy, whiney, and cries over everything. I've been trying to get her out of certain habits for the last two years: baby talking, demanding things instead of asking, and misbehaving to get attention. Her father is a good man and loves her with all his heart, but ever since she was born he always had someone else taking care of her because he was working multiple full time jobs just to make ends meet. Now, he has me. He's taken a more active role in parenting but for the most part I'm the parent that makes sure she's fed, clothed, bathed, and sees her doctor and dentist regularly.



Well, within the last month something has come over me. I dread when 3:30 hits because I know I have to get her off the bus and be a mom. She comes in throws her stuff down and demands a snack. I wait until she asks, but it's just gotten to the point where I don't want to see her at all. I still do everything I'm supposed to and I play with her, and make sure she's eating well, and bathed, and hair brushed and braided before bed, and either daddy or I read her a bed time story. These feelings though, these angry feelings of %26quot;Why does she have to whine?%26quot; %26quot;Why can't she do this one thing by herself?%26quot; these feelings are just getting stronger and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to contain my anger. I yelled at her a few nights ago because she said she was afraid of my 5 month olds stuffed frog. She regularly says she's afraid of things just so someone will go upstairs with her and I'm so sick of having to do everything for this child, things she should be able to do herself (turning on light switches, changing her clothes by herself, using the bathroom by herself). I won't stay in the bathroom with her, I won't escort her to her room to change into pajamas, but she still wants someone to constantly be with her.



We've had her evaluated for any possible counseling she might need and were told that she's fine, but that she will try to manipulate us to get her way (as most kids will if they find out they can).



If you were me would you seek counseling? How do you handle a super needy child when you find out that it's not psychological so much as manipulative? I'm so afraid that I'll actually say something to hurt her mentally and I know I'll hate myself for it. Any suggestions?I think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?i think it's just your hormones because you're pregnant. overall u may just need a break from your stepdaughter. i understand...i too have a stepdaughter who's mom is completely gone. i was pregnant and dealing with her n she's 2! you just need some time for yourself. i don't think you're angry at her i just think you're a little frustrated and she's not making it any better.I think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?If you feel your getting angrier and wanting to be away from her more and more I would speak with some type of councler. If not on a regular basis at leAst a few times to see If they have any suggestions you have not tried. My younger sister has a condition which makes her feel as though she needs help even when she is capable of doing it alone. Its fairly new and is found in the brain. So, maybe you could take your daughter to see a specialist.hope this helpedI think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?No, I don't think you need counseling, but it can't hurt. I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her. Ask her why she wants someone to be with her all the time. Explain to her that you will no longer respond to demanding and whining, you will only respond when she asks nicely. Also tell her that things like going to the toilet, dressing herself and turning on light switches are things that she needs to do on her own as she is getting older and you will no longer do them for her. When you know she is trying to manipulate you, do not respond. Every time you give in you show her that it is working and she will continue to do it.I think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?the therapist is right there is nothing wrong ..she is acting like a 6 yr old who knows her mom abandoned her..its is a psychological issue but her behaviors are a normal response to her life experiences

You need to be more accomodating to her needs. I turn on lights and escort scared 9 and 10 yr olds to their destinations all day everyday..its no big thorn in my side. She needs to be clingy and want help changing because she was abandoned by her mom at the ages kids need that hands on care ..and those things equate love and nurturing..somebody loves me.

If it were me I would be there for everything that child needs and wants me for..I love mothering kids and helping them to feel loved and confidentI think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?Certainly your hormones could be part of the reason you have less patience than usual, but I would highly doubt if emotions were the sole reason. I would definitely suggest a counselor, if nothing more than to give you an unbiased person to vent your feelings to, who isn't going to blab your business to the whole world.



I too have had similar problems with my step daughter, and our situation seems pretty similar to yours - my step daughters mother hasn't seen her in 22 months now, and has only called her once. She is very whiney, clingy, acts up at school etc. For me, I have literally had to force my husband to take a more active role in her life, and give less of myself to her. That may sound bad, but it really isn't....it simply means that when you give too much of yourself to one person, there isn't enough left for everyone else in your life. Once I started to focus on her less (that's not to say I ignore her or anything), my heavy feelings of despair started to get a little better. Sure, we still have our days....but I think that you need to take some of the focus off of her, and put some of it back on you. Good luck.I think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?Oh, you do so need to be the dictator in this situation. Somebody needs to put their foot down, and her father won't. Trust me on that one. You are not a monster and neither is she, but you and her father need to get together in order to deal with her. Kids know how to play one against another and it's natural behavior, so it's nobody's %26quot;failure.%26quot; You need to set rigid limits; this-behavior-that-result-this-action-th? No, it isn't hormones. I hope you can get her father on board with this. I was a single parent (widowed) dad. People who never had to deal with this have no idea.I think I need counseling...because of my angry feelings towards my step-daughter?I think counselling could definitely help. I'm not surprised her behaviour is challenging given the disruption she's experienced and seperation from her mother - try and remember her behaviour is probably a symptom of this, not who she is.



Do you get some time to yourself now and then? It sounds like you need it and definitely deserve it if your also pregnant.



It sounds like you have really good self control given the strong feelings your having! Good luck!