How does my first chapter sound?

He looked at the time on his digital watch, counting by seconds. It had just turned 2:42am. A tall dark figure exhausts all his energy lifting himself in a seated position on his bed, in his bland, tidy, dark room.



His name is Roland Medlocke. 34 years old. Unmarried. And about to be the sole survivor of Earth.







%26quot;A fear unlike any other%26quot;



To stare at the stars, is to stare in the beyond, to a place of empty validity. To look beyond life on Earth.







Chapter I



Roland walks out to his balcony, out of his rented hotel room, on the 23rd floor. He see's a star, gleeming in the night sky, seemingly noticable beyond all others. He attends his thoughts for a moment, racing through his mind trying to decide to whether we are alone in the Universe. He comes to the uncautioned decision to leave that question alone until morning. He lazily, and almost blindedly from the light of the moon changing the dialation of his pupils, heads back into his darkened room, and walks towards his bed, pulls the covers over, out of his way, lays down, and replace's the covers to the correct position. He grabs the remote, turns the TV on, and sets the remote back down on his night stand.



Roland himself, akward, is naturally a different person, mentally, from all others. He doesn't see things the same as everyone else, and that maybe is the key reason of his future, lonesome existence as prey. He is never one to take irrelevance seriously.

But what may have once have been irrelavent in his mind, may be changed, for the rest of his survival.



Roland fastly falls into the peaceful structure of sleep once more, and for the rest of the last night, the rest of humanity sleeps.



He wakes up to the brightening ray of light just passing the crack in the shut curtains, as the sun just arose from its slumber. Oddly enough, to himself, he notices the piercing question that bewildered his mind just the night before, bringing it to his attention as his main thought, as he opens his eyes to the next day. He doesn't keep the returning question as top priority for the morning for long.



He then gathers the energy to get out of bed, and go into the tiny hotel bathroom. He feels for the light switch in the dark, gloomy bathroom, and flips it up, but to his surprise, no light cuts on. He mumbles under his stale breath %26quot;Just great...%26quot;, and walks back in the bedroom, finally noticing the TV was not on when he woke up. He grabs his cell phone off the night stand, and opens it up, to provide needed light, to do his morning hygenic's.



He looks at the front display of his phone, and notices his phone has no connection, taking the freedom of calling someone away, if he needed it. With a dreary attitude, he walks back to the bathroom, sets the phone on the bathroom counter, turns the swivel that makes the phones display screen open and close, to an angle, to where the light from the front display shines on his face. He turns the nob on the sink, that provides hot water, on, and hears a paniced rumble of noises coming from the sink, it only lasts for 2 seconds or so, as he watches attentively. Finally, a liquid emerges from the facett, only relieving his depression of how his morning started for the few seconds he thinks that it is water that is coming from the facett, but to his demise, it is muddy, reddish-brown water, as if it was water from a muddy puddle. He doesn't notice that it is not water. He puts his hands together, as if to grasp a collection of water, and splash's it on his face, the muddy water covers his hands, as he places them under the facett, and he notices his hands have the feel of a left over residue residing on his hands from running the muddy water on them. He quickly grabs the towel that was in the cabinet under the sink and dries his hands off. He grabs the phone, aiming it, as a make-shift flashlight, and see's a reddish-brown impression on the towel that he dried his hands off on, he then turns the phone facing the running facett, and see's muddy water, plummitting down the drain in the sink. With a hightened sense of paranoia, he rushes out the hotel room, runs down the hallway, in darkness. Figuring the elevators aren't working due to the power-outage. He heads for the stairs. Making his way to the exit door to the stairs, he opens the door, with quite a bit of paniced force, and rushes down the stairs.



He stumbles, and trips down the stairs, in a hurry for an explaination, as relief to his paranoia.



That soon is exactly what he doesn't get.







Excuse grammatical errors, I will fix them later. No rude comments please. Opinions appreciated.

How does my first chapter sound?sorry to crit you, but I would never write a novel in a present tense, it put me off immediately.How does my first chapter sound?Roland is a horrible name.How does my first chapter sound?Hey that was quite gripping actually unless for a few mistakes and grammatical errors, but that is fine. To continue with your novel you need to just open your mind and let inspiration come to you. If you want, you can get ideas from other books of literature and also from y our life and the world around you. News, people, places, things.



In additon, you might want to check the official websites of authors like JK Rowling, Stephenie Meyer, Nicholas Sparks, Betsy Byars, Michael Crichton etc... Some of the advise they have given to aspiring and young authors is worth in diamonds, beleive me. Take down notes from the advise they give and keep a seperate notebook to help you.



Hoffie

How does my first chapter sound?Hi, I thought it was fantastic but I also think that my comment won't help you any... so I'm giving constructive criticism.



I found that you kept repeating %26quot;He does this and he does that.%26quot; Try putting in a bit more Roland in like %26quot;Looking at the display of his phone, Roland notices that he had no signal%26quot;



Try not to give too much information as that can confuse the reader, like the moon blinding his eyes is brilliant but you don't need to mention that his pupils have dialated.



Mix up your sentences. It seems as if you've been using too much complex sentences, try using simple.

Simple sentences have 1 MAIN verb, compound have 2 MAIN verbs and complex 2MAIN verbs plus extra stuff (I don't want to go into the grammar in full).



It's fantastic writing, it's just the grammar, which is fantastic considering most writers don't consider small grammar points (like the sentences etc), I didn't even know until my sister pointed it out me.



I wish you the best (and all the above is not saying it's bad, it's saying it's good btw!)How does my first chapter sound?sounds ok but it will be like i am legend or i am omega or omega man without the vamps unless u add vamps idk i read the first part .

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